Alcoholism is more real to me then ever! The pain of watching a loved one become a different person. They say they want to stop, but they cant say no. They take everything out on you and flat out break my heart. So what do I do? Just walk away or stay and put up with the pain to help them? I shouldn't have to make this decision...I'm only 20 and can't even legally drink myself. It makes it ten times harder when they ask for your help, but they keep letting them selves down and in turn letting me down.
Life just plain ol' sucks right now! Something has got to give, but what? Everything bad is happening all at once! I want my life back. Life is not fair. I guess I have to live by what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger! Well unless it kills me, but it won't I will overcome all of this one day!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Personal Life Over Powering My Future
What are we supposed to do after high school? Go to more school and become something! Well I went to EMT school and I work in an ER, but I don't want to do that forever. So I'm back in school to get my degree in biology. But then what? I have big dreams for myself...I want to be a cardiac surgeon! But how? I feel like I'm standing still and the world is spinning out of control. I just want to scream STOP!
I seem to be letting my personal life affect the big picture! My crazy on again off again boyfriend, my stressful work, trying to please my family, and trying to still remain the sane one of my friends who always has her head on straight. Well I'm sick of pleasing everyone else! Everyone around me is so happy and then there's me; I put on the happy face and pretend so I don't cause waves. Maybe it's time for people to go surfing!
This is my life and I want to take it back! Focus 1000% on school. Yes 1000% not 100%! Put myself first so one day I can heal people and make great money for my future family! So even though I'm scared I'm going to take that leap. Look at myself and love everything about me! Be the good student, daughter, friend and girlfriend I know I am! I hope...
I seem to be letting my personal life affect the big picture! My crazy on again off again boyfriend, my stressful work, trying to please my family, and trying to still remain the sane one of my friends who always has her head on straight. Well I'm sick of pleasing everyone else! Everyone around me is so happy and then there's me; I put on the happy face and pretend so I don't cause waves. Maybe it's time for people to go surfing!
This is my life and I want to take it back! Focus 1000% on school. Yes 1000% not 100%! Put myself first so one day I can heal people and make great money for my future family! So even though I'm scared I'm going to take that leap. Look at myself and love everything about me! Be the good student, daughter, friend and girlfriend I know I am! I hope...
MS...what now?
So I'm sitting at dinner with my boyfriend and his brother when it happened. My phone rang and mom told me that I better be sitting down. My 19 year old cousin was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I started to cry. I asked God, "Why? He's 19! He has the rest of his life in front of him! Why?" Multiple sclerosis means "many scars" because it is characterized by scars and lesions on the spinal cord and brain.
I spent the few weeks in and out of the hospital with him! He has been in so much pain and just wants someone to be with him! His legs, part of his torso, his left arm and both hands are numb and tingly. He has the biggest headache from having a spinal tap done.
Since I work in a hospital I see this all the time and it has never affected me. But when it hits close to home it hurts. I'm supposed to help people get better, but how do help your family when they're so close to you? It's like being to close to the problem and you cant see the answer! So....now what? I will just be there for him while he is in and out of the hospital. I just wish I could take the pain away!
I spent the few weeks in and out of the hospital with him! He has been in so much pain and just wants someone to be with him! His legs, part of his torso, his left arm and both hands are numb and tingly. He has the biggest headache from having a spinal tap done.
Since I work in a hospital I see this all the time and it has never affected me. But when it hits close to home it hurts. I'm supposed to help people get better, but how do help your family when they're so close to you? It's like being to close to the problem and you cant see the answer! So....now what? I will just be there for him while he is in and out of the hospital. I just wish I could take the pain away!
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